Football pundits are supposed to be experts. More often than not, though, they are just a motley collection of former footballers stealing a living.
If it’s not mumbling Rio Ferdinand tripping over his words, it’s dreary Alan Shearer with the repeated ‘England need more quality’ soundbite or the proselytising Gary Lineker who thinks anyone who disagrees with him is part of some conspiracy.
There’s Micah Richards, the class clown who can’t let anyone else speak for five seconds without butting in. He is a regular on the BBC, Sky Sports, CBS, Sky’s football panel show A League of Their Own and Lineker’s podcast The Rest is Football. Overexposure, perhaps?
The commentary teams have been dire too. ITV’s best commentator, Clive Tyldesley, has been pushed aside in favour of stat-obsessed Sam Matterface and his double act partner Lee Dixon. How many times did Matterface and the BBC’s commentator, Guy Mowbray, tell us that Lamine Yamal was just 17 and 16 up until the final (always adding ‘years of age’ afterwards as if to clarify what they meant)?
The reserve teams for the BBC included Danny Murphy as a co-commentator, albeit on lesser matches, even though he sounds like he’s describing a state funeral, and he’s often alongside the insufferable Jonathan Pearce who feels the need to keep telling us he’s been around a long time.
There were bright sparks. ITV had, in my opinion, the best commentary team of the lot: relegated to non-England games in Seb Hutchinson and Andros Townsend who follows the advice of perhaps the greatest sports commentator of them all, Richie Benaud, who once said: ‘Never insult the viewer by telling them what they can already see.’ Compare this to Matterface who really did say, after Slovakia took the lead against the Three Lions: ‘England will have to come from behind if they want to win this game.’
Townsend had the advantage of currently playing the game so offered none of the ‘back in my day’ banter of Dixon, Shearer and the monotonous Martin Keown. And though it offends some old-school chauvinists, the inclusion of former Lioness Jill Scott, who has actually won the Euros with England, was a breath of fresh air as a foil to ITV’s Neville, Keane and Ian Wright.
Ally McCoist, who seems to polarise opinion, at least offered insight and I would like to see TV use Radio Five Live pundit, Nedum Onuoha, who may not be a familiar name to many but is a wise and considered voice of reason.
The difference between insight and soundbite comes to the fore when current managers are included in the line-up. While Lineker, Shearer and Richards were playing to the gallery after England’s draw with Denmark, the Danish manager of Brentford, Thomas Frank, was offering calm, considered opinion, even daring to suggest that, actually, the Danes played quite well.
On ITV, the panel reacted by including another current Premier League manager, Ange Postecoglou of Spurs, who has dropped his previous habit of looking at the floor and constantly coughing and, instead, offered some level-headed judgment of Southgate’s tactics. It should be remembered that Shearer, Keane and Neville have all had a go at managing football teams and been hopeless.
The final itself began with the panels lauding Gareth Southgate for making key substitutions. It ended with them criticisng him for not playing the subs from the beginning. Poor Gareth just can’t win. Well, he can win, just not in finals it seems but his calm dignity throughout is in stark contrast to the hyperventilating critics in the TV studios.
But daft punditry is nothing new. Those of a certain vintage can recall the likes of Mick Channon, Derek Dougan and Malcolm Allison in checked jackets and kipper ties competing for soundbites. Even the beloved Brian Clough described Poland’s goalkeeper, Jan Tomaszewski, as ‘a clown’ before he went on to make a string of saves against England at Wembley that saw the home side fail to qualify for the 1974 World Cup and cost Sir Alf his job. Plus ca change.
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